My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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