Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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