He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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