Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
