there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
