The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
