Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They took my balls.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
