The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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