i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
