hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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