So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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