I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
