Im at strip club and am horny
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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