I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
