She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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