Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
