after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
