so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
