sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
