she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize