where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
do nipples grow back?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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