He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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