I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
