We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
