She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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