Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
