Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
