I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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