Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we made out on top of his cat.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
