Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

toast her oven

(1-248): View more from Michigan

toast her strudel

(248): View more from Michigan

inspect her gadget

Fav 7 2907 1042
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(831): View more from California

Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"

Fav 19 3750 1647
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(785): View more from Kansas

Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?

Fav 4 1776 1028
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.

Fav 3 2736 1035
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(847): View more from Illinois

Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized

Fav 16 2932 870
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home

Fav 4 1053 821
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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.

Fav 8 1382 864
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.

Fav 2 710 1355
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(480): View more from Arizona

why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!

(623): View more from Arizona

I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?

Fav 0 16 20
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