my sisters under your porch take her home
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize