Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
sarcasm needs its own font
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
