Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
i believe in u and ur pee
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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