4 words: hood of his car
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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