Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
