OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Buhtt sex?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i drank out of a bidet.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
