No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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