Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
