Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
