I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
