Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
