i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize