You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dignity is for republicans.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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