i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
