oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
