You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
