i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
