well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
