i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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