he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
