even my farts smell like vagina
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize