I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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