I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
