I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
