The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
