You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize