and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Congratulations! We have a period
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
