we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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