I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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