Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
