You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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