At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
