On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
