Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm really busy with my period
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