Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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