Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
