Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
