Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
