I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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